Failure. Success. Fear of failure; fear of success. Somehow failure and success are interconnected like two sides of a coin, you can have heads or tails, but you can’t have them both. If you succeed, you didn’t fail, and the other way around.
After long introspection I’ve realized that I’m afraid of both. Strange isn’t it? And this fear is holding me back, blocking my path to, do you feel the irony, success. Fear of success it’s blocking my access to success.
This fear it’s just a little voice, in my head, that doesn’t stop rambling about how I might fail, or how big my fail will be after I will succeed, or how I will succeed and everybody will eventually laugh at me. And I can’t stop this voice, because for many years I’ve listened to it, this voice caressed me and took care of me. It was my leader in my conquest to nothingness, were all the dreams perish. Funny am I, ain’t?
Many motivational books and speakers describe this sensation as creating a bubble, and they named it comfort area. An area where you are comfortable with your situation and don’t want to risk to go any further. But for me it’s not a bubble, it’s a small room with a two way mirror when you can look outside, but nobody can see what’s inside. And it’s not comfortable at all, it’s rather painful. It’s like you want to get sober, no … you need to get sober, but relapse the on second thought and drink the 1st glass that you see.
I’ve managed to admit this to myself after long introspection. Although deep down I’ve always know the truth about this. This is what made it painful. Because I know what the problem is, but I can’t solve it. Rather, I don’t want to solve it, because I’m afraid of what might happen.
And thus I’ve decided to break the shackles. Little by little, day by day. With baby steps. One day I will manage to get rid of this itching sensation that it’s bugging me for quite a while now.
Am I the only person that feels this way? I think I’m not.
The funny thing is that this article stayed in the draft area for almost 5 month now, and only now I’m publishing it. And I’m doing this only now because I’ve realized that this fear of either success or failure, it’s connected with how we feel about myself and what image I have about me.
I was writing yesterday about being average and how I become to accepts this fact. The same is with failure of success. You have to accept the failure or the success of your actions, and go on.